What Now?
by AnonymousLily
Summary: Picks up at the series finale- the scene of Suzy and Henry standing with their hands pressed against the window. I had recently watched the series and was stunned- it was so bittersweet, funny, and romantic. Naturally I had to add on- although I'd much prefer another season from the original writers. T for language.
1. Should I Stay or Should I Go (Clash)

Suzy holds her hand up against the window, against the cold smooth glass, Henry's hand mirroring her own on the other side. The day had simply been too much to bear: going from Henry's arms back into harsh reality for her ex-husband Steve's wedding, discovering her mom had died and that she lived with Aaron now. Her chest feels like a cannon, her heart set to explode. Aaron comes up behind her and caresses her shoulder; she wants to violently shrug his hand off her, please, not here, not now, not in front of Henry standing there outside with that sweet smile growing ironic. How can she know what happened between Aaron and the shell of herself left behind while she was with her Henry? It's not Aaron's fault, but his touch, so secure, makes her want to scream and cry. All day he had been so kind, so helpful, so patient, perhaps the sort of man she would've fallen for if it weren't for Henry. Henry's hand drops from the glass, the smile on his lips gone, only his eyes burning into her now. Suzy says, "Aaron, I need to step outside for fresh air and just be alone for bit."

Aaron kindly tells her, "Of course, darling," and mercifully removes his hand.

She enters the night garden of her mother's house just as Henry sinks down onto a bench. "What now, Suz?"

"How are you here?"

"Right, big fucking question. I've been asking that myself from the start."

"No, I mean the Elysian has been torn down. You never were able to pass that wall of fog you told me about, but here you are in Mom's yard." She sits down beside him, aching to hold his hand.

"Dunno. I just was here suddenly and looked in the window, saw you and the kids and that lucky bastard Aaron."

"Mom passed on. I think that's why I'm here with Aaron. She couldn't keep watch over my shell and make sure things would unfold as I'd want while I was with you."

He leans his head back, looking up at the sky, away from her eyes. "Maybe your mum wanted you with him. He's . . . alive. He can get you a cup of tea, hold you when you cry, just be with you. He loves you Suz, even just the you left behind not in full gear."

"God damn it, Henry, don't, just don't. He was the one we both picked so you I could get together. Brilliant idea that was."

Aaron opens the door and says, "Suzy, you're talking to yourself. I think all this opening up emotionally has exhausted you. Come on to bed." He holds his hand out for her to take.

Henry stands up, turns, and begins to walk away. Suzy shouts, "Wait! Give me a bit more time to sort things out." Henry stops; his back still toward her while Aaron withdraws the hand he'd been holding out to her. "Aaron, just let me . . . remember Mom in my own way here in her garden. Please, a little more alone time."

Henry snarls, "You don't need to ask his permission."

At the same time, Aaron nods, concerned. He tells her, "I'll just tuck Verity in and send Elvis to bed." He's so enmeshed within the family he takes the responsibility so casually? He closes the door, leaving her staring at Henry's back silhouetted in the moonlight. She gets up to go and stand beside him.

"I lost Mom while we spirited. Am I going to lose you too?"

"Aw Suz, I'm sorry. Anyhow, I don't even know if I can leave here. I just don't want to hang about when you go back inside and climb into bed with him."

"I won't, Henry. You think I'd go from your arms to his? I'll tell him I feel sick and want to sleep on the sofa. I just have to figure out a decent way to end whatever this is between him and me. Please, come in with me. Maybe we'll share a dream."

Henry looks down at her, each line in his face all the more precious to her now. He grins and says, "Maybe I'll try and take over his body again, poor ol' sod. Give his body, if not his mind, a going away present."


	2. Night Shift (Commodores)

Henry sits in an armchair watching Suzy sleep on the sofa, wishing he could sleep. Bloody insomnia. A pack of fags and the ability to smoke them would make death easier. In the old days if someone had told him he'd wind up in the Sydney suburbs with a dentist with two kids, he would've laughed his arse off. It feels right though.

He remembers the first time he met her- on the ferry - this little girl staring into the water, at the birds flying, entranced, he alive then. He was royally pissed at the time, barely coherent, but something about the little girl seemed familiar, somehow it seemed like she'd be worth while to talk to. Drunkenly he offered her the necklace Charlotte had given him, trying not to slur his words, and she gingerly took it. He was giving away what precious things he had. She thanked him, didn't even recognize him, the great Henry Mallet, and just stared at him silently for a moment. There he was, a complete stranger and drunk as well, and this kid was completely fearless. Then she asked, "You're not from around here, are you?"

His first urge had been to tell her brilliant fucking deduction, but he turned the sarcasm inwards instead and said, "No matter where I am, people ask me that same question." She had laughed then, a lovely laugh, and told him she didn't know grown ups ever felt the same way she did. They'd both laughed then. It was the last happy memory of his life.

Suz mutters his name in her sleep; shit, she's probably waiting for him somewhere in a dream. If she were in a double bed, he could lie down beside her. Clearly Aaron didn't deserve her since he let her take the sofa rather than offering to take it himself. Of course, Aaron might have some intuition and know he was on his way out of her life, poor bastard. Henry actually felt a little sorry for him, losing Suzy would be a harsh blow to anyone. It isn't just that she's beautiful on the outside- she is- but she continually manages to reveal some new facet of inner beauty as well as quirkiness. She makes him want to be as good a person as she is- and he knows he's a better man . . . or ghost . . . or maybe just being . . . for having spent so much time with her. Too bad she didn't have the same effect on her wanker ex.

They'd caught up a bit before she fell asleep. She'd told him in whispers about Jonks and Zach's marriage, her ex marrying Jennifer the ghost killer, the Elysian gone, but it was the death of Helen that hit her the deepest. She'd smiled through tears when she told him about the Elysian and how she had thought it meant he was gone forever as well. Christ but he'd wanted to hold her and kiss away the tears.

There'd be no more spiriting, no more chance of coming back and maybe finding she'd married someone who couldn't fully appreciate her, no more time compacted to the tip of a knife to wound her. How he got here he still doesn't know, but he's grateful to be anywhere she is. Tomorrow he'd see how far he could go before being blocked. He'll tire himself out walking so maybe tomorrow night he can sleep and maybe meet her in their dreams. Suz is everything that makes death . . . livable. For now, it's enough just to watch her sleep.


	3. Jokerman (Dylan)

Henry's back in the Elysian sitting on the sofa, watching some nature show about wolves, Verity between him and Elvis. Why is he back here? Isn't it gone? It seems like those weeks when he first knew Suz, sitting here invisible with her kids, waiting for her. Jonquil drunk and weepy would complete the picture. Elvis turns and looks at him, actually sees him, and says, "Cool! Henry Mallet! Want to jam?"

What the fuck? No, he's not dealing with this without Suz. He asks, "Where's your mum?" Verity grins at him, a sly grin, and giggles. "What's funny?"

Verity tells him, "Nana taught me about lucid dreaming. She told me all about you and I've been trying to find you."

Henry is caught short. Jesus, what had Helen told this poor kid? This must be a dream and Suz isn't here. He hates dreams sometimes. He just smiles and tells her, "Well, it's good to have you two finally see me and hear me."

Elvis waves all this aside with his hand and demands, "Do you want to jam or not?"

Verity pokes Elvis and tells him, "He's sort of like a step-dad, Mom's boyfriend."

"Verity, there is no way in the world Henry Mallet is like our step-dad or Mom's boyfriend, no way."

Henry sits stunned. It's hard enough to be dead and try to be with Suz, but dead and a step-dad to two kids who couldn't even see or him until now? He'd already spectactularly fucked up parenthood during his life. He'd always hated authority and he sure as hell doesn't want to be one. Of course, he does care for these two, and not just because they're Suz's kids, now. He also recognizes Suz in Elvis's quiet and Verity's earnestness. He takes a deep breath and says, "Yeah, lend me your guitar, let's jam." As Elvis jumps up to run and get the instrument, Henry reaches in his pocket hoping in this dream there's a cigarette. He stops then, decides even if he has one he won't take it out so as not to risk any possibility of reliving mistakes made with Apollo.

Verity takes Henry's hand in her own, so trusting. He smiles and gives her hand a squeeze. She asks, "Do you like ice cream?"


	4. Don't Look Back (Boston)

Suzy's been trying to keep it down, trying not to wake the children or Henry asleep in the living room armchair, his legs stretched out on the coffee table. She's tried so hard to break it off with Aaron but they keep going round and round in this verbal circle. She's trying not to be cruel to him, but it would be much worse, much more dishonest, to just let things continue. Aaron repeats, "Just give us some time, Suzy. You're upset is all; yesterday was too much for you."

She clenches the tea cup tightly and shakes her head again. She knows her voice is getting a little shrill. "I told you time won't solve the problem. It's over between us."

Aaron's voice rises enough to summon Henry as he pleads, "Tell me what I need to do to change this, what it is I've done that's so wrong."

Henry stands there in the doorway listening as she tells him, "Aaron, it isn't you at all; it's me. I just need you to go. I've told you there's no hope for any future with us." Henry nods his head encouragingly.

Aaron's face twists and darkens. "You bitch! It's like you're not even human! If I go out that door, that's it; I'll not come back."

Suzy wipes her eyes with her pajama sleeve and murmurs, "So go." He grabs his keys and storms out, leaving Suzy fighting tears. He'll have to come back to pack his stuff, and he'll never forgive her for this. Heaven help her, Henry was worth all the drama, but it hurt nonetheless.

Henry sits across the kitchen table from her, not even making an attempt to reach out to her. She knows it's because he can't touch her, but just the sensation of his hand on her shoulder would calm the butterflies in her stomach. She bites her lip hard, she won't cry over Aaron in front of Henry. Henry kindly smiles, tells her, "Let it go, Suz. It's okay to cry."

She feels a hand on her shoulder and looks around to see Elvis standing behind her, Verity lingering in the doorway. Elvis says, "Mom, it's okay. Don't cry." Suzy weakly laughs at the conflicting advice from the two men in her life and holds her arms open toward Verity, who runs to hug her.

Verity tells her, "I like Henry better anyhow."

Henry beams unseen and unheard by the children and adds, "Wise child."

Thunderstruck, Suzy mouths to him, "What?"

Elvis laughs. "That's weird. I dreamt Verity thought he was our step-dad."

Suzy gapes. Verity insists, "He is!"

"Yeah, right, him or Bigfoot or an elf."

Suzy tells them, "You two need to wash up and get dressed, okay? I'm fine." They leave the kitchen and she hisses to Henry, "Care to translate all that for me?" He explains the dream to her, and the butterflies in her stomach get worse. "Helen taught her?" Henry nods. She sighs; things keep getting more complicated. She'd have to get Verity to explain lucid dreaming. "Henry, I spent hours waiting for you in a grungy bar."

He laughs, delighted. "Turn about, luv, you lounging at a bar while I watch the kids."

"Henry Mallet, family man."

"Henry Mallet, wishing to fuck you'd been there with us."


	5. I'll Stand By You (Chrissy Hyndes)

Suzy, driving Elvis to his friend's house, looks in the rear view mirror at Verity and Henry in the backseat. When she and the kids got in the car, Henry had joined them, telling her, "I want to see how far I can go and where any limits are." Clearly he now could travel quite a distance, and while she feels glad for him, she admits to herself she's a little afraid he won't be around so much. When Elvis exits the auto she motions for Henry to move up front. "Let Verity sit up with you; she doesn't know I'm here."

Verity scrambles into the front seat and Suzy backs out of the driveway. With Elvis gone and Henry here, it's a good time to find out about the dream and what Helen had told her. She bluntly asks, "What do you know about Henry?"

"He's here in the car; I can smell him. Hi Henry! You never did tell me if you like ice cream or not!"

Henry looks like he's holding back a laugh. "Tell her ice cream is fine and next time she sees me to include lots of choco, or better still, cheese, and not the fucking faux stuff."

Suzy grins at him in the rear view mirror and tells Verity, "He does like chocolate ice cream, and fancy cheese even more. He thinks you might be able to include it in a dream. Can you, sweetie?"

"Nana taught me lucid dreaming; she researched. When she got sick she explained just in case, and she told me about Henry. She was too tired to write stuff down though and didn't want to be taped. She told me to look for Henry. She said after I saw him, I could tell you."

The car drifts into another lane as Verity speaks. Henry yells, "Watch the bleeding road!"

Suzy overcorrects to the blare of horns and Verity screeches. "Oops," Suzy blurts, swerving. "Not paying enough attention."

"Suz, we noticed. I had my death flash before my eyes. Maybe we should pull over."

"We're almost home. We'll just talk there."

Verity asks, "All those times you were talking to yourself, you were really talking to Henry, right?"

"That's right, sweetie."

"How come you have Henry but Nana didn't stay with me?"

"Suz, the bleeding road!"

"Fig! Verity, Nana loved you very much, but people don't actually decide if they'll be a ghost or not or even where they'll be after they die. It just happens."

When she pulls up to the house, Henry jokingly pretends to kiss the ground. Suzy just rolls her eyes at him. When they all get comfortable in the living room, Suzy says, "Okay Verity, tell me about lucid dreaming."

"I know when I'm dreaming. I can stop bad dreams and even make dreams what I want sometimes. I like to fly in my dreams."

"Ask her how."

"How do you control your dreams?"

"You decide to. I tell myself a bunch of times out loud before I fall asleep. There are other things too. Nana said I wouldn't remember it all. She said you could look it up."

Suzy worries about the cost of all this to Verity. "Does it bother you that I like Henry so much?"

"Very descriptive, Suz, we're deeply in like."

"I like Henry myself even though I only met him once in person. After Nana died, I talked to him all the time. He was like a friend."

"Jesus, I wasn't even there. She was talking into a void."

"I knew from the book and music that he was a little scary on the outside but sort of sad on the inside."

"That's scary, that is."

"You read the book?"

"I snuck it from Auntie Jonquil's. I had to know. It's been weird, Mom. Dad had always been so happy Elvis was a boy, then you left him and I didn't have friends anymore. When we moved to Nana's, you seemed far away, then Nana died, and I sort of felt a little like a ghost myself. People just didn't see or hear me."

Suzy and Henry both wipe their eyes. Suzy hugs Verity tightly, rocking her. Never again will she spirit, or at least not while there's any chance of Verity needing her. Henry stands there, clearly mourning his inability to give her a hug himself. "Suz, tell her . . . shit . . . tell her I love her more than my own son. No, Christ, don't tell her that. Tell I always cared for her as a person and wish to fuck I could be there for her."

Suzy dabs Verity's tears away, wishing Henry could indeed be there for Verity. She grins, imagining Verity telling people to 'Eff off.' "Sweetie, Henry says he loves you, but even more he likes you as a person. He says he'd be proud if you were his own daughter."

"That isn't exactly what I said, but I suppose it's a close enough translation. You know better than I what to say to her."

Suzy says, "Henry, I think we all wish you could speak directly to her, iffy language and all."

Verity turns and faces Henry; even though she can't see him she knows where he is from the scent of smoke and alcohol. "I dreamt of you singing me a song a long time ago. I know you love me and Mum and Elvis. You don't have to see and hear someone to feel their love."

Suzy and Henry reach out, their hands brushing through each other's. Suzy knows this is another moment of time beyond all limits or rules.


	6. In Your Eyes (Peter Gabriel)

Henry looks around; Jesus wept: he's in his old flat from back when the Nerve was just a pub band. There are leaning stacks of records, tapes, scribbled in notebooks, and books everywhere on the floor, the card table, even the chairs, not to mention all the empty bottles and drug paraphernalia. At least the mattress on the floor is clear of crap even though it lacks sheets, only a green wool blanket strewn across it. He meant to meet Suz somewhere bright and airy, not in this windowless shit-hole made grimmer by all the clutter.

The door opens and there she is, absolutely gorgeous in a short black dress and hair rumpled like she just got out of bed. She looks around his bed sit, grins, and tells him, "I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Where are we?"

He's tempted to ask 'Does it matter?' Fuck it, she knows him to his very core. "It's where I lived before I hit the big time."

She gracefully steps over his stacks of shit and they embrace, body to body, all her warmth and loveliness pressed against him. They kiss, her lips maddeningly soft and demanding under his. He wants to be inside her, to feel her everywhere, but he also wants to take his time, take her to the edge and back over and over. It's too complicated to think while she grinds against him, the way she clutches his ass and pulls him against her. She slides her lips down his neck, giving him shivers, and tugs his jacket off and throws it. It knocks over a stack of tapes that clatter to the floor. She laughs and he can feel her breasts and belly jiggle against him. He pulls her dress off. She's bare underneath and this time he laughs. He whispers, "I love your mind, Suzy my darling."

He picks her up in his arms, so light, an armful of everything precious in his life or his death, and walks to his mattress, stepping over the stacks. He lays her down on the mattress and sits on the edge, not so easy for one his height, and they both begin to remove his clothes. She's moaning and whispering, "Hurry, Henry, who knows how long we have this time." She caresses him as she undresses him, her hands so soft and everywhere as well.

Afterwards, her head on his chest, a leg thrown over him, he sings to her, watching a tear reflect light as it runs down her face. She smiles that heartbreakingly bright smile at him. She murmurs, "I love you, Henry Mallet. I even love this place now."

"Fuck, I even love this place now and I hated it when I lived here: a hellhole become paradise because of you, love,"


	7. Club Soul City (Gary US Bonds)

Elvis is shaking her awake, telling her, "Mom, we need to talk." She sees Henry beside her, asleep, his lips curved in a faint smile. Did it count if it happened in a dream? She's a bit sore after so long; how many times had it been anyhow? Elvis says, "Mom, don't fall back asleep!"

Fabulous Monday morning. "Hmmmm?"

"Mom, it's nine and we all overslept."

Suzy bolts out of bed trying to shake off sleep. "Is Verity up?"

"She's up; she's getting dressed for school. I'm really worried about her. She told me you, Henry Mallet, and her talked about love and family yesterday. I think she needs some sort of mental help."

Henry sits up, yawning and stretching, and mutters, "Elvis trying to nuke the afterglow, but not quite managing despite a masterful attempt."

"I need to reschedule Richard Grey for his root canal, get you two to school, and shower and get dressed myself. I'm just going to zip you two to school right now before I change. I'll ring both schools on the way."

"Suz, drive very carefully. I don't want you in the afterlife stuck in those yellow ducky pajamas."

"We'll all get in the car now," she says, looking directly at Henry.

"Why not? I can't die twice."

On the way, Suzy questions Elvis and Verity about school in great detail, mostly to prevent Verity from mentioning Henry. Henry's in back, contributing humorous asides, making her struggle not to laugh or obviously register his presence in front of the kids. She drops Verity off first, and Elvis directly plunges into the subject she had hoped to avoid. "Mom, I think Verity is really lonely and maybe going over the edge."

Henry says, "Fuck! She's as sane as I ever was!"

Suzy mutters, "Lovely." Hadn't he thought aliens were after him during his life? She sighs deeply. "She and I did indeed discuss love, family, and Henry Mallet yesterday."

"So Verity can know about me but Elvis can't?"

"What does Henry Mallet have to do with love and family?"

She doesn't explain to Henry that Elvis is nearly grown, needing her less and less much to her chagrin. She merely answers Elvis. "No man is an island."

"Very pithy, Suz."

"Mom, you're really weird. I don't mind it or anything, but you are."

Henry gets in the front seat when Elvis gets out of the car in front of his school. "We were together last night in a dream, right? It wasn't just my imagination."

Suzy feels her face grow hot. "You've an anarchy tattoo. Any afterglow is mutual. I didn't need to ask, Henry; I knew it was you and not my imagination."

"I may be dead, love, but my imagination is still in full gear. You were wilder than I imagined, not the Suz I had imagined before!"

"I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not."

Henry laughs. "It is a compliment. You never fail to surprise me. The thing is, Suz, lucid dreams work. We had time and it didn't just suddenly evaporate. I fell asleep concentrating on being alone with you, somewhere private."

Suzy smiles, not telling him she too had fallen asleep wishing for the same thing, but with a bed. Practicality has it uses even when one is in love with a dead man. It was a bit magical to see where he lived before becoming a big rock star, although he seems to view his life with greater and greater detachment. She's not sure she would've loved him when he was alive even if she had been there. Henry the dead man, the man who has faced loss and limitation bravely and unselfishly, he's the one she loves unreasonably. She even loves the way he curses, the way it reveals his anger and disregard for social norms. "Henry, Verity, you, and I need to meet in a dream and talk face to face. She needs to keep you a secret for her own good, but I also think she needs you. She needs us."

"I don't think me as some sort of alternate reality parental figure is going to solve her existential angst."

"You didn't solve mine but you helped me just the same. You helped me drop some of my facades and just be who I am."

"Right, Henry Mallet, fucking family man after all. I don't s'pose you'd consider calling off work and going back to Chez Mallet with me? I know I can fall asleep easily again."

"Life requires money, which requires work."

"Right. I'll just wander unseen and unheard after the best night of my life or death while you're gone."

"You can come to the surgery with me."

"No. I'll see what there is to see in the neighborhood. Watching you with your hands in some geezer's mouth might dim the afterglow. I'd like to think about your physical precision in another way today."


	8. Arclight (Fat Lady Sings)

All these old houses and no ghosts in the area. Un-fucking-believable. If only he could play some music or write or even just operate the damned home cinema. He's walked through the whole neighborhood, through houses and yards. He watched cartoons with a woman who devoured a huge bag of crisps and then made herself vomit them up. He watched a kid make a castle out of cardboard boxes, toilet paper rolls, and construction paper. Actually, that was pretty amazing. Finally he teased a border collie who kept trying to herd him. The main thing is not to succumb to napping so he can sleep tonight for the family get together. They have this brilliant lucid dreaming now and Suz wants to play fucking nuclear family. What exactly she thinks he can provide Verity, he doesn't know. At least Elvis is interested in music. The fucking fact is that he has no idea what dads do for their kids aside from providing a roof over their head and food, which isn't something he can do for Verity or Suz even. His own dad was hardly ever home, then up and died just after he entered his teen years. Shit, that tosser Steve knows more about parenting than he does. When he walks in the living room, Potter the cat is sitting there in human form, filing his nails. "Brilliant! Someone who can see and hear me!"

"Hello, Henry. You must know I miss Aaron terribly."

"Fuck off! Why? You think he's better for Suz than I am?"

"You misunderstand, my friend. It is I who misses him. He used to give me delicious tidbits: little bits of fish, chicken, eggs." Potter licks his lips with a great deal of juicy smacking.

"Potter, if I could give you all that crap, I would. It's not as though I can simply pop over to some shops and purchase cat treats. What ever happened to Antonia and Betty?"

"Still blind to everything but your dentist. I do not speak of noxious 'cat' treats. Even if the Darlings are lactose intolerant, a little bit of cream for poor old Potter shouldn't be a problem."

"Where are Antonia and Betty?"

"Betty is Princess, my own little grey love here with me among the food barbarians. Did you know Elvis is a vegetarian? It's kibble, water, sometimes a tad of cat food from a tin. Since the Adams moved into a no pet building, I've lost weight."

Henry calls, "Betty! Betty?"

"Henry, she is still a kitten and learning life in her new form. Let her nap."

"What about Antonia?"

"I'm sorry, but you know she loved you a little? Ah, you did know. She decided to take the taxi after you spirited with your dentist."

"Fuck! I should've been there to stop her."

"I am sorry for you, not her. She courageously moved on to learn what would happen next. The little girl is the one I worry about; she is terribly alone."

"Yeah, well, Suz and me are going to try and be a big happy family to her tonight in a dream."

"If there were any hope of a better diet, I might be able to help you."

"Jesus, Potter, you sound so mercenary! You'd bargain over another's well being for cat nip?"

"I had forgotten the joys of cat nip! Of course one acquainted with drug use would understand. Yes, yes, yes! It is not just my own diet I bargain over- Princess deserves so much more. Surely you know, Henry, the things love drives a man to do."

"Right, mate. It will be fucking fish, chicken, cream, and cat nip until you two get so bleeding fat you look like planets on little stick legs. What's the suggestion?"

Potter scratches his chin leisurely while Henry waits. Henry clears his throat after a few minutes, hoping not to have to repeat his question. "Ah, my suggestion! You've become so patient as a dead man, Henry. Have Verity wear the necklace. She and your dentist hold it together, and then you grasp it. Easy, no? Don't run after you fall or you'll go spiriting, the three of you. Voila, you're no longer unseen or unheard by the little girl."

"Would that work with anyone?"

"No, no, no! There needs to be a link! You gave your dentist the necklace. She gave Verity life. Verity has been talking to you for months, building another link in her loneliness. You will see; it will work."

Wonderful, seen and heard by Verity all the time. The very fucking worst thing will be censuring his language. Then there's the good old days: the drugs, the alcohol, the groupies, the wild parties; all that will become another fucking taboo. He'll probably discover all sorts of things one shouldn't say to a kid right after said things escape his lips. It might even be that Suz loves him too much to recognize exactly how fucked up he is regarding children. Look how Apollo turned out. Jesus, hadn't Verity told Suz she read that fucking book about him? Even Suz had gotten mad at him after she read certain passages.

"Henry?"

"Yeah, mate?"

"I see your worry. This is good. You worry for the child, just another form of love."

"No, mate, I worry I'll be no good as an adult in her life."

Potter laughs. "Delicious! You begin to worry like the dentist used to as she becomes bolder and bolder. It will be good for the child to see such love, my friend."


	9. Vienna (Billy Joel)

As Elvis plays music in his room and Verity swings in the back, Suzy listens in disbelief to Henry explain how Verity could see and hear him if they follow Potter's advice. She doesn't quite know how to react. "I dunno, Suz. Potter thinks she needs me, but just thinking about trying to be a role model all the time gives me a massive headache. Shit, I'll have to change who I am. In a dream, I'd have no problem playing fucking family fun night, but kids were never my thing."

Suzy tries not to reveal the hurt and anger she feels. Verity isn't just a 'kid,' she's a person! How can he act like he prefers to be unseen and unheard? She calmly says, "When you first entered my life, did you think you'd wind up being a good man for me to love?"

"Not a man, Suz, a ghost. And you're doing that fucking school marm shit with me instead of saying what you really mean."

"Oh, eff off, Henry! Verity isn't just some anonymous kid, she's my daughter! If kids aren't your thing, why are you even hanging around me? I think you're just afraid you'll mess up, and so what if you do make mistakes? I mess up as a parent every single day and I know it and I cut myself some slack because at least I'm trying!" She feels her eyes burning and digs her fingernails in her palms to stop any chance of tears escaping.

"Suz, what you have with them is beautiful; it's real. Verity is a person; I know that. You think that doesn't make it harder? You want to risk me nuking your family even more? Then fine, I'll do my best to be a step-dad without any fucking clue what I'm doing. Send Elvis to Zach and Jonquil's and we'll do it tonight."

"Tonight?"

"Yeah, tonight. If we're going to do it, don't give me time to think."

Elvis is rather nonplussed regarding the sleepover, and just looks at Suzy. After Zach picks him up, Suzy serves frankfurter surprise. Henry sits at the table, a look of amusement on his face. She knows he thinks she serves the kids awful stuff. She asks, "Verity, can you tell if Henry is here or not?"

Verity sniffs the air and then grins directly at Henry. "Hi, Henry! I wish you could share dinner with us!"

Henry laughs and says, "Frankfurter surprise, one of the few things I never had in life and wouldn't miss even I had."

"Did Nana tell you not to talk about Henry?"

"Yeah, and I haven't except with you."

"And Elvis."

"Oh. I shouldn't say anything to him? He really likes Henry's music."

Henry says, "Good man."

"No, sweetie, you shouldn't say anything about Henry to Elvis. Do you want to see and hear Henry when he's here?"

"Of course, but I can't."

"You can, but you have to pretend you don't when Elvis or anyone else but me is around." She explains what they need to do and places the necklace around Verity's neck. They both grasp it and hold it out to Henry.

Henry stands there, his enormous blue eyes meeting her eyes. "You really want to do this, Suz? Think how Apollo turned out."

"Because you weren't there for him."

"Right." He reaches out and grabs the necklace. They all spin through that otherworldly watery world, Verity screaming, all of them hanging on tightly, until they fall with a pop to the living room floor. Henry asks, "You okay, Verity?"

"Henry!" She reaches for his hand but her hand passes through him as though he were a shadow. She yanks her hand back as though it had been burned.

"Sweetie, he's still a ghost. You can see him and hear him, but you can't hold hands except in dreams." Henry winks at Suzy, a grin on his face. She knows he's already censuring himself, imagining the comment he would've made if she were the only one who could hear him still.

Verity stands up and walks back to the table. "How come there's no plate at the table for him?"

"I can't eat or drink."

"That's sad."

Henry looks pointedly at the frankfurter surprise and tells her, "There are compensations. I can't hurl because I ate something like that either." Verity giggles while Suzy rolls her eyes. As they sit back down, he asks, "Are you still friends with those three little witches you had over for the cooking contest?"

"No! I mean I tried to be friends with them, but they always bossed me around. Now I just stay away from them. Did you have a best friend when you were a kid?"

Suzy grins into her wine glass. Listening to Verity question Henry might get interesting. "Not really. I had a few mates to hang around with, but no best friend. Do you have a best friend?" Yes, Suzy thinks, he does have the knack.

"Not really."

Suzy asks, "But you do have friends at school, right?" Henry shakes his head no at her; does he mean Verity doesn't have friends or she shouldn't ask?

"I'm okay," Verity says, peering into her plate.

Henry tells her, "I was a weird kid, you know? My mum used to worry about me, but that's what mums do. Weird's okay, Verity. If the little bleeders at your school make you think you have to be someone else just to fit in, well, fuck 'em."

Suzy grins and sighs. "Are there any other kids who don't travel in groups at school?"

"Well, yeah. Dylan stutters so nobody talks to him much. Then there's Amber, she never looks beyond a book in her hand."

Henry nods at Suzy. He says, "Verity, I'm curious about them. Would you talk to them and tell me about them? The quiet ones are sometimes weird in a good way."

"You want me to hang around with the unpopular kids? Like I'm a nerd?"

"Jesus wept. The popular ones probably have their heads up their . . . ." Suzy is rubbing her forehead, and he stops when he notices. "The popular ones probably lack imagination. Your mum just wants you to have mates to hang with. Mums are like that, you know?"

Suzy watches Henry and Verity talk animatedly through the rest of the evening, joining in, all of them laughing over cartoons later. She knows he's trying hard, but his best moments are when he forgets to try so hard, not looking to her for approval. She'll tell him tonight when they go to bed.


	10. In My Mind (Headley)

In the Hammer and Sickle, Henry orders yet another pint and another shot of whiskey, wondering if Suz is going to show up or not. It seems like he's been here forever. He'd forgotten to concentrate on fucking privacy, what with all the family stuff, but he'd like to down a few drinks with her just the same. He knows she's been here before when it was empty. Maybe they'll even dance again; that would be a fine thing to do- to watch Suz cut lose on the dance floor. Damn, she's gorgeous and he first realized it when he saw her dance.

She walks in then, hair in a ponytail, wearing that eye popping red one piece she had worn to meet Aaron. She looks like a heroine from a sci-fi movie, so fucking bright against the muddy colors of his personal distopia. He waves her over, yelling, "Suz!"

She winks at him, walks over to the bar, and after she glances at what he's drinking, orders a pint and a shot of vodka. The old fuckers who know him here are all grinning; Henry's got another bit of fluff for the night is what he knows they're thinking. Except they aren't thinking that because it's all in his head, he reminds himself, except her of course. She sits down beside him and he grabs her in an unintentionally swaying hug.

Fuck, he hopes she doesn't notice he's unsteady at the moment. He releases her and she has that lovely smile on her face, eyes shining. She tells him, "You fell asleep fast! When I kissed Verity goodnight, she told me you weren't at all what she expected."

"How so?" He reaches out to hold her hand, needing to feel it while he can.

She gives him a butterfly kiss on the cheek and says, "She said you seemed terribly normal to her, and you sang some children's song to her."

"Shite, I feel like a critic just ripped me a new one."

Suz laughs and gulps some of the stout. "Catching up. Henry, did you WANT her to think you were abnormal?" Suz looks a little blurry around the edges; he better slow down with the drink or he'll black out in a dream. Can a person become unconscious in a dream if said person is already unconscious? It would be such a fucking waste of time! "Earth to Henry, are you there?"

"Sorry, love, I think I'm a bit pissed." Suz gulps down the stout at a rather amazing rate. "Suz, are you trying to get pissed?"

She stands up then and knocks back the vodka, slamming the empty glass on the table and making a face. "Gah! That's strong!"

"You're going to invite me home with you now, aren't you?"

"Henry Mallet's sure fire dating advice."

"No pulse, but I'm following." He staggers against a table and only remains upright by clutching on to Suz. "Fuck!"

She takes his arm and murmurs, "Henry, lucid dreaming, remember?"

"Yeah? What?"

"Take control. You're not drunk." She's guiding him to the door.

"Suz, I regret to inform you that I am fucking drunk."

"So what am I supposed to do?"

"I was sort of hoping what you had in mind when you downed the vodka. Take me to bed."

"Okay, where?"

When they step outside into the cool night air, he breathes deeply, trying to shake the effects of the drink. He looks around, concentrating, and says, "Yes! That door, Suz, the red one." She struggles with it but it's locked. He pats down his pockets, finds a key, and holds it up like a trophy. He unlocks the door and hand in hand they step into a room he doesn't recognize. It looks like her era, and the bed in it is huge and very comfortable looking. "Thank fuck it isn't my old flat again. I'd fall on my arse trying to get down into bed."

"Henry, this is Steve's room."

"Steve's room? You mean the room you two used to share?" She nods, looking miserable. Fuck. "Is this some sort of unconscious revenge for what I said about frankfurter surprise and hurling?" Suz looks at him oddly for a moment and then bursts out laughing; she's laughing so hard she's gasping for breath and it sets him off. He can't help it; it is fucking funny.

She clutches his shoulder, says in a voice shaking with repressed laughter, "There's a guest room next door, c'mon."

She guides him in to the guest room and they both fall in bed together, still laughing, when Verity steps in and says, "There you are! I've been looking for you two!"

This sets them off even more; Henry can feel a tear from laughing so hard trickle down his face. Verity just stands there looking puzzled, then a little hurt. "Ah love, don't look like that. Your mum and I were just trying to have a little grown up time together and not having much luck."

Suz gets up and hugs Verity, still grinning. "You know to knock before entering a bedroom."

"The door was open and you were laughing so hard, having so much fun!"

"Fair play to her; the door was open, Suz."

Verity waves her arms and suddenly is hovering in midair. She darts away like a bird and Suz tells Henry, "Stop her!"

"I think I'd have trouble walking, let alone flying after her. Anyhow, I have to piss. Where's the toilet?"

Suz turns around and looks him in the eye. "It's a dream, Henry, it doesn't matter where. Take a whiz on Steve's bed."

"Damn, lady, what have you done with my mild mannered dentist?" Suddenly he's awake in Suz's bed, watching her giggle in her sleep. Christ but it's been a weird night.


	11. Bittersweet Symphony (Verve)

Suzy jolts awake to find Henry sitting there on the edge of the bed, just looking at her. "What?"

"Piss his bed? Suz, what the fuck was that?"

"You didn't! You just disappeared and left me there in the guest room."

"Sorry, love. All this about taking control to guide dreams, it's a bit of a bollocks. I was never a control aficionado. Then you and Verity started messing about with my brain."

Suzy decides she's going to tell him, show him her own personal hell. She knows all about his, there in black and white in his biography. "When we were married, Verity walked in on Steve and some woman in our bedroom."

"Aw Suz, I don't need to know this."

"Yes you do! She came to me crying and told me about it."

"That's when you left?"

He would ask that; the question close to what still gnaws at her. "No. I only told her to always knock on any bedroom door and just left it at that. What else could I possibly say to her? I needed time to think and plan before I left." He just sits there looking at her, not cursing Steve on her and Verity's behalf. She feels almost dirty having said it, letting him know exactly how far she let things go. "Well, aren't you going to say anything?"

He frowns and says, "You're just so fucking calm telling me this."

She sighs. "It's in the past. I just wanted you to understand the whiz in the bed thing."

"Jesus, Suz, aren't we a bit past the point of you worrying what I'll think of you? Don't you know you're stuck with me yet?" He closes his eyes for a moment, rubs his forehead, then asks, "Did Steve and his friend see Verity or say anything to her?"

"No. Or if they did, they ignored her."

He nods, thinking. "Here's the thing, I will be there for her, but shit like this doesn't disappear just because I'm not a prick at this point in my afterlife. Me being here isn't some magical cure for whatever psychic damage she suffered."

"Henry, don't you think I know that?"

"Suz, I think you're the one who may need to cut yourself some slack. Everybody's damaged in one way or another. Welcome to life and death. I just hate Potter, that rotten cat bastard. Let's go back to sleep and try and find the wingless flyer."

Suzy lies back down, watching him walk around the bed then recline. He turns over so they're face to face. She tells him, "I do love you, Mallet."

"Yeah, same to you. Now shhh so I can fall back asleep."


	12. If IShould Fallfrom GracefromGod (Pogues

The day had been long and tedious here in the suburbs. Henry hadn't found Verity after he fell back asleep, hadn't seen Suz either, just pounded out a set at a club. It was brilliant to be able to play again, but the band kept fucking up, and he realized he was trying to play songs he'd thought of after he died. He did join Verity as she ate breakfast, cereal and soy milk. She seemed fine, asked him a lot of questions about what it's like being a ghost, and then informed him it sounded really boring. He refrained from telling her 'no shit.' Instead he played this bleeding role as well as he could: "Yeah, but it would've been worse without your mum, and you too now. It's the bit about not being seen or heard that's really difficult. Just don't forget you're going to talk to Amber and Dylan to add a little entertainment to my ghostly existence."

Suz didn't even invite him to the dental surgery today, and he would've gone. He watched them leave from the front yard for school and work. He sought Potter and Princess but they remained in their cat forms and just looked at him. Fighting the desire to nap was the hardest thing for him; being awake was just so fucking boring. He drifted through the neighborhood again, teased the same border collie. The kid who made the castle wasn't home. He watched an elderly couple argue about where to hang a hideous painting, and that was entertaining. Verity and Elvis both drew better than whatever wanker artist painted what might have been a red elephant or a barn. At least this old couple cared about something, even if it was just an ugly fucking painting. He saw the same woman as yesterday chowing down a mix of good cheese and the shitty stuff on crackers. She made herself vomit again and he told her, "For fuck's sake, if you want to indulge yourself, just do it, no regrets, you stupid cow!"

When Suz finally brought Verity and Elvis home from school, things came alive again. Suz looks him in the eye and says, "It's good to be back home where everything I care most about is."

He smiles and tells her, "Glad you're back, luv." He doesn't mime touching her face, what's the point?

Verity waves for him to follow her outside and tells him about Dylan and Amber: how hard it was to get Dylan to say anything at all at first but how Amber became a motor mouth when asked what she was reading. "We did sit together for lunch though and Dylan may be quiet but his eyes are nice and brown and Amber taught us bad words in Spanish."

"Nice eyes and Spanish curses, sounds like fun."

"Want to know what she taught me?"

"Chinga?"

"She didn't teach that one! What does it mean?"

Suz isn't here to rub her forehead or give him the look at least. "Fuck. That's what it means. You can contribute that tomorrow."

"I thought it was joder! Lunch will be fun tomorrow!" Verity giggles and runs inside repeating the new term. At least the friend thing seems to be working. Stopping to think before speaking is a whole new skill he may have to practice. Fuck. This role model stuff really is a headache.

Henry hears the phone ring and watches Suz turn red as she speaks. He steps inside to listen and realizes she's talking to Aaron, and he wants to come by tonight and pick up his stuff. He tells Suz, "Just leave the bloody door unlocked and go out."

She purses her lips at him in that not-fucking-possible look and nods no at him. She says, "This weekend would be better. Steve will be back from his honeymoon and he'll have the kids. I just don't want them to have to deal with this."

"Suz, the kids don't give a fuck, seriously. It's you who doesn't need this wanker's bullshit."

She yells, "Fine, you wanker, come by tonight!" and hangs up. She throws the phone across the room and then calmly says, "Sorry, Henry." Henry can't help but chuckle; even if she won't take his advice, she doesn't hide what she feels anymore.

"Passion is good for the soul, Suz." She calls for Verity and Elvis to help her gather up Aaron's things and put them in the hall by the front door.

Elvis just nods and walks to the bedroom while Verity asks, "Mom, if we put his things in boxes, wouldn't he leave faster?"

"Smart girl. Let's get this tosser out quick for your Mum's sake." They put bags and boxes in the hall as Elvis, carrying an armload of shirts on hangers, folds them in half and stuffs them in a bag.

By the time Aaron arrives, there isn't much left of his anywhere but in the hall. Aaron bitterly says, "Suzy, you were fine up until the day of Steve's wedding. I think maybe you're still in love with him."

Suz tries not to laugh, but Henry can see the corners of her mouth twitch. He's delighted over this comment, seeing Aaron again won't be so hard on her if he says such stupid shit.

Verity calls from the kitchen, "She doesn't love Dad or you."

Elvis just looks a little confused but also distracted, peering at his phone. Suz, very business like, says, "Anything missing you can get this weekend. I do hope things work out for you."

Henry wishes yet again he were alive if only to stand there threateningly and give Aaron the evil eye so he'd hurry his slow ass up and not so obviously linger hoping for more from Suz. When he lifts the last load, he tries one more time. "I'll never understand this. I loved you, Suzy, and you acted like you loved me. I just don't get what changed everything so fast." Suz just wipes her eyes and walks back into the kitchen. Aaron probably would be better for her; he's alive; he can hold her, but she wants him, Henry Mallet. Despite how fucked up the universe can be, sometimes it hits the perfect note.


	13. Teach Your Children Well (Crosby, Stills

Suzy's preparing dinner in the kitchen, such an old looking room. The house is lovely, really, but the rooms and windows are so small. All the floral prints make her think of history, and history isn't what she wants to think about; no, she wants to stand on the Elysian balcony again overlooking all the twinkling city lights like she's permanently in a dream. Her mom's house is just so empty without her mom, or Robbie. The thought of her mom dying without anyone around who understood her past weighs heavily on Suzy. She wouldn't have given up the chance to be with Henry though. Henry ambles in, sniffing, and says as if amazed, "Whatever you're cooking smells wonderful."

"Vegetable Masala, chicken separate so Elvis doesn't talk about eating flesh. It's quite off-putting. When you were alive did you do much cooking?"

Henry appears to lean against the wall- how does he do that if he can't touch things? How is that he doesn't sink through the floor when he walks? She doesn't ask because she's certain he doesn't know. "I didn't even eat dinner every night, too busy, too much to do."

Suzy nods, "Right, so you can't cook."

Henry's lips turn up on one side only, a sort of half smile. "Oh I can cook alright, luv. It just wasn't a priority to prove myself in the kitchen."

"Well, if you wanted to give me a list of ingredients and direct me in the kitchen, I'd love to whip up something you once made and enjoyed."

Henry tells her, "Rather than playing chef, I'd prefer to play music. Maybe you could set up a harmonica so I wouldn't have to hold it. Maybe I could manage that."

"A harmonica? Sounds terrible folky, Henry."

Elvis walks right through Henry into the kitchen and stands there, one eyebrow up, staring at her. "Oh fuck, Suz, He's not used to you talking to yourself anymore. We've been away all that time. He thinks you're starting to lose it again."

Suzy glances at Henry in acknowledgement, hoping he understands she means thanks. "Elvis, you're probably disturbed because you think I'm talking to myself again."

"Mom, I don't think I'm the one who is disturbed."

Henry blurts, "Jesus, he thinks he's a mental health expert- Verity then you."

Suzy continues, "I miss Mom, that's all. I've been imagining talking to her since she died, and what she'd say back. I'm just doing it out loud now."

Elvis narrows his eyes and asks, "You don't see her or smell her, do you?"

Suzy glances at Henry and he looks as surprised as she feels. "Why would you ask such a thing?"

"Dad thinks he has some ghost spirit guide; Jennifer seriously believes in ghosts and has Verity convinced. Haven't you noticed what a freak show it is over there?"

"Elvis, I'm going to tell you the truth."

"Oh shit, Suz, not a good idea."

"I believe in ghosts too, but I don't believe Nana is one."

"Okay, Mom. I miss Nana too. She was the least weird person in this whole family." He hugs her and tells her, "Mom, if stuff gets to be too much for you, you can always talk to me." He lets go and walks back out of the kitchen.

She watches him walk away from her, so mature now, no longer her little boy. She blinks a few times.

"Suz?"

"What?"

"He's a good man, but unlike you, I don't think assholes will ever get the best of him."


	14. Dream a Little Dream (Mamas & Papas)

Suzy is standing on a balcony looking out at the black water crashing against the beach under a starry indigo sky. It isn't Sydney; she's not even sure if it's Australia, not that it matters in a dream. A cold wind blows and she shivers. Looking down she realizes she's only wearing a purple silk nightgown which billows in the wind. She enters the french doors to find the room inside is clearly a hotel. She calls for Henry but he isn't there. To look for him outside the room she'll need the key and something to throw over the revealing nightgown. She opens the mini-bar and there the key is, along with a bottle of champagne and some cheese-brie de meaux. Her lucid dreaming skills are improving.

She grabs the key and looks in drawers and the closet for something to toss over the nightgown, but there's nothing. She yanks the duvet of the bed and fashions a sort of robe. She leaves the room, hoping to God the key will fit in the lock when she finds him. She realizes she should have tested it before leaving her room. Control, Suzy, she tells herself. She WILL find him and she WILL be able to unlock the door. She looks all through the hotel but can't find him. As leaving the hotel doesn't seem like a good idea, she might as well drink the champagne and wait for him in the room.

The key does unlock the door. No doubt if Henry were here, it wouldn't. She grabs a glass from the bathroom and stops to look in the mirror. With the bulky and stiff duvet wrapped around her, she looks like a stuffed animal with just her head attached. Suddenly the mirror explodes outwards and Henry falls through. "Thank fuck I found you!" Broken shards of glass are everywhere and she brushes the broken glass off herself as Henry tells her, "Don't take a step, you'll shred your feet!"

"I don't think my feet would bleed in a dream. Where were you, anyhow?"

"Fuck me, I was on a roller coaster with Verity; I thought the ride would never end. It was some dicey roadside carnival." Without a by-your-leave, he picks up Suzy and walks through the glass, crushing it at each step. He puts her down in the bedroom and holds her tightly in an embrace. "When the ride ended, she flew off, and then I searched for you in a bloody funhouse, nightmare material. I saw you then all distorted in one of those mirrors and ran and jumped through it."

She puts her lips to his ears and whispers, "There's champagne and cheese."

He chuckles. "I think that could wait for an eternity, unless you're peckish, and I rather doubt you are, or at least not for food. Jesus, maybe you weren't distorted in the mirror. What the fuck is that you're wearing?"

Henry wakes up with a jolt, fuck! They'd only just climbed into bed after he unwrapped that ridiculous duvet off her. Frustrated, he watches Suz mutter his name in her sleep. On one hand, it's good to know he's in her dream even if he isn't actually there. On the other hand, time in dreams can be a precarious and teasing bitch. He sighs. He watches her dream just to ensure the dream doesn't lapse into sort of nightmare. When she wakes, she eyes him frostily and says, "I hope you enjoyed the cheese, you big rat!"

"Suz, I woke up right after we got in the bed."

"Oh." She blushes.

"Oh indeed. If you woke saying 'Mallet is perversely charming and must care for me madly,' well luv, that would have been the actual me in your dream."

Suz grins. "No, if I woke saying 'Henry is mad in a lovely way,' that would have been you."


	15. Tigers (Ricki Lee Jones)

She leaves the television on for him today; with some crisps, fags, and beer he'd be in fucking suburban Valhalla. At least they'll have the weekend alone together.

Potter actually strolls by as a man and heads into the kitchen. Henry follows to find him lapping up pate straight out of a tin. "Feel free to help yourself, mate."

Potter turns and winks at him. "I would offer you some, my immaterial friend, if you could but taste it. It's scrumptious."

"Not that you care, my epicurean friend, but Verity is going to a movie this weekend with a new friend from school."

"Ah yes, delightful. And thank you for the improvement in diet. Lovely people here but oh so ignorant of what a cat truly needs. Still no nip."

"How did you manage to get Betty here and in cat form?"

"You'll learn as you need the knowledge. Do not worry. You and your dentist will be together in one way or another, come what may." Potter ransacks the refrigerator and pulls out a bottle of cream. "You may need to think about what else you can give, my friend, and not just to your dentist and her child." He takes a bowl from a cabinet and pours cream in it and sets it on the floor. He makes kissy noises and Princess runs in to drink the cream.

"Potter, would you mind not making a huge fucking mess for Suz to clean up when she gets home?"

Potter sighs deeply. "Life is always messy, you know that. Henry, you must continue seeking. A restless spirit like yours should not be so concerned with messes in the kitchen."


	16. Sweet Bird (Joni Mitchell)

When Suz comes home she brings two people who look like bleeding refuges straight out of the sixties. A gaunt woman with white streaked curly hair hanging down her back peers around the living room where Henry sits watching cartoons and announces, "There is a strong presence in this room." She enters the living room and sits right beside Henry.

"Suz, who the fuck are they? I thought we were going to have the weekend alone together."

Suz turns to the man with long red tangled hair and says, "Nick, why don't you have a seat with Cally while I go freshen up and then get you two some tea." She glances meaningfully at Henry who follows her into the bathroom and whispers, "They're psychics who also happen to be musicians. I told them I'd heard stories that a ghost once was here."

"Why?"

"Because you miss your music Henry. Why not try and see if you can use them to make more music?"

"Jesus, Suz, the two of them give me the willies: bride of Frankenstein and Igor in hippy gear."

"You'll see, this will be a good thing. They're Linda's friends." Henry sighs.

When he returns to the living room, the bride of Frankenstein with those weird ass white streaks in her hair intones, "It's back. It must be very attached to life for me to sense it so strongly. Are you getting anything?"

Henry blurts, "I'm not a fucking it, you silly cow!" He sits down in an armchair, watching the two.

Nick of the bleeding tie-dye shirt says, "A locket, seagulls, and just water then." Suz enters smiling but a little nervous and asks them how exactly this sort of thing works. Nick explains, "I've helped law enforcement officials find bodies. Generally I touch some belonging of the missing and see images in my mind. Cally amplifies whatever it is I have, directs it so I don't even need to touch a belonging."

"Suz, I don't want my body found."

Cally says, "In a trance, sometimes spirits speak through me. I don't 'see' things so much as feel them. I'm certain there's a spirit here, and a strong one. A séance would be useful."

Henry gets ups and makes mock ghostly groaning noises at Cally and then says, "Suz, I think I'll head out while you and your friends play games."

Suz frowns and gives him that look. Shit, he really doesn't want to deal with this, but he'll stay and watch. Cally has Suz draw all the curtains, turn off the lights, and light a single a candle. The three sit around the table and Cally chants and chants. Standing in the doorway watching, Henry feels as if a strong wind is sucking him towards Cally, almost like a vacuum. He realizes he can feel again, can feel Suz's and Nick's hands in his own, but they aren't his own. He's inside this fucking woman's body but he can't move it, can't control it, not like the time he was in Zach's body. In his own voice, he hears himself say, "Henry Mallet. I don't want to go beyond."

Nick asks, "You're that Nerve guy who disappeared? Did you drown?"

Henry, inside the woman's body, is compelled to answer. "Yes and yes." He sees through her eyes that Suz looks worried and Potter, in cat form, has entered the room and sits watching.

Suz tells Nick, "We don't need to continue; we have the answers." Thank fuck she's trying to end this.

Guy demands, "Why don't you want to go beyond?"

Henry struggles. Pressure pounds against him, pressure to tell the truth- to say he won't leave Suz because he loves her. He's enraged at being forced to speak, unmoving, forced to reveal himself to fucking assholes. He fighting against the pressure and the body he's in begins to shake, to go into convulsions as he struggles to get free. Suz jumps up from the table and screams, "Stop this now!"

Cally's head slams against the table edge and he's free again, but the woman slips down out of the chair, blood streaming down her face. "Call the ambulance, Suz." Suz flips on the light and calls on her cell as Nick lays Cally out on the floor. "This isn't like Rocco. It wasn't my fault. She was like a fucking facist forcing me to speak."

Suz nods at him as she speaks on the phone. The woman on the floor's eyes flutter then open and she croaks, "What happened?"

Nick tells her, "You had the shakes and now you have a gash in your forehead. Everything will be fine. You're right though, there is a strong presence here. Do you remember anything?"

Cally weakly says, "She lied to us. She knew he was here. I think he was trying to protect them both."

"Suz, are you hearing this? I think we may be fucked, luv." When the paramedics come, Nick rides in the ambulance with Cally.

"Henry, I'm so sorry. I only meant to give you back your music."

"It was fucking scary being in her body. I could sense everything but it was like being paralyzed."

"Should I go the hospital and check on her?"

"Let Igor take care of her. Let's go dream."


	17. All Along the Watchtower (Hendrix)

Suzy wakes up to see Henry watching her and she wants so badly to hug him. She smiles and tells him, "That was lovely!"

He looks confused and flatly states, "I couldn't find you last night in my dream."

All that had happened came from her own imagination? She breathlessly tells him, "I was in the wings and you dedicated this beautiful love song to me. I can't even remember it all but it was perfect."

He sings, "Her heartbeat can stir a dead man, a touch of her hand stops time."

"You got me!" She can't help laughing at his teasing her like that. "I want a permanent copy of that song!"

"Suz, I'll just sing it whenever you want to hear it."

"It wasn't just that song. You and the Nerve played songs I never heard before, songs about modern politics. We need Cally."

"Jesus, you and Potter must be plotting together. You're talking about me being forced to possess this fucking facist who treats me like a puppet just to get some songs down. I couldn't even claim them as my own."

Suzy gets out of bed and tells him, "Well, we'll just check on how she's doing today. That's all."

"I don't want to; you go ahead if you want."

Suzy puts the phone on speaker after calling Nick. "Hi Nick, this is Suzy. How is Cally this morning?"

"She's fine, asleep right now. You knew there was a ghost- you can see him. Why did you lie to us?"

"I didn't know if you were real or not. I know now you two have a connection with the spirit world. I'm assuming everything is confidential. Could we meet again? I have so many questions."

"Don't we all. Dinner at five, you pay."

* * *

Henry decides to go after all because fuck knows what Suz will get the two of them into without him there. He hates the restaurant Cally and Nick picked on principle, a big soulless chain that would no more challenge patrons' palates to expand than it would serve a free meal. They're fucking psychics and this is where they chose to meet? Suz is wearing one of those just-a-boring-dentist blouses and skirts, probably thinking she can mislead the bride of Frankenstein and Igor. Cally and Nick are waiting at a table and he can tell by the way they tense up that they know he's here. Cally's head is bandaged- good- let her realize there are consequences to fucking with Henry Mallet even if he's dead. Cally looks right in his direction and announces, "Three stitches." At least Nick's head isn't entirely up his arse as he gets up and holds the chair for Suz. With the bandage on her head and in a long white cotton dress, Cally looks even even more like the bride of Frankenstein.

Suz retorts, "Henry felt trapped, like a prisoner almost. He did what he had to escape."

A waiter takes their orders and Nicks asks, "What exactly is it you want from us, Suzy Darling? Usually clients have no links to the spirits they want us to contact. From what Cally has told me, you know better than we do what brings him peace."

Suz blushes a bit as Henry blandly says, "Sweet peace. Shrieking guitars, alcohol, drugs, fans, and actually being able to feel Suz."

She tells the pair, "He has new music, wonderful music no one can hear."

Henry objects, "You're someone, Suzy darling."

Cally frowns. "The Nerve was a bunch of anti-social malcontents, and Mallet was a self absorbed prick intent on destruction, self and otherwise."

"Fuck you!"

Nick shakes his head no. "Cally, they weren't exactly my cup of tea either, but they did make a difference. Artists critique existing things through their work without necessarily offering fixes."

Suz, ever the pragmatist, says, "How can I help Henry record the new music?"

The waiter brings their food. Fucking hungry psychics ordered enough to feed a big family despite being so lean, or in the bride's case, gaunt. The bride of Frankenstein regally informs them all, "I'll have nothing to do with Mallet. Suzy, it's not healthy for a living person to cling to the dead so much. You need to live out your own life, not include a spirit in your life as if he were alive."

Henry sits silent. On some level that bitch is probably right. Yeah, Suz loves him. He did help her remove that pinched do-what's-expected mask. But maybe it would be best if he left, best for Suz, not him. What they both want the most is to be together, but maybe it is bad for her to be so attached to him. Shit.

Nick blurts, "I'll help with the music. I'll get Takeo as well."

Cally hisses, "Takeo is crazy, dangerous!"

Suz had perked up at Nick's offer to help and adds, "Takeo sounds ideal. Bring on the insanity and danger! What instruments do you play?"

Henry laughs. 'Bring on the insanity and danger?' She didn't even ask any questions, just 'bring it on.' At this moment he'd give just about anything to kiss her in the here and now. Maybe together they're better than apart?

Nick responds. "I play the oboe and the guitar. Takeo's a drummer. Cally is the most talented- she plays the piano, keyboards, that sort of thing. Not that it matters."

Watching this exchange, Henry figures Nick must be playing to Cally's ego. Interesting. Cally informs them, regally again, "I might be willing to watch over you two, not participate, as a safety measure for a double fee."

"Fuck me! You're paying these wankers? They should be paying you for access to my musical brilliance!"

Suz, all business like, agrees and sets up a meeting tomorrow at Nick's apartment.


	18. Darkness on the Edge of Town Springsteen

This is one dream that unfolds like a movie he's watching, or a nightmare- he knows what will happen even before it does because he fucking already lived it. Charlotte and his younger self are in her flat, so tidy, and she's fucking ignoring the fact that she walked in on him shagging some groupie yesterday. She never yelled, never even seemed to register it. She hands his younger self a glass of whiskey and rolls a joint. She'll never say anything about it, never say anything about all the times that followed later. She passes over the joint for him to take a hit and turns on the radio- fucking news. She sits back down and languidly combs her fingers through his gel encrusted spiky hair and it hurts his scalp, but he's not going to say anything. At the time, he had thought she understood about the groupie; it was just a lark, meaningless really. Fuck. She reaches into her pocket and pulls out the bleeding necklace. "Henry, you know I have a spot of Romany blood?"

He watches his younger self fucking ignore her question, hold out his empty glass, and say, "More, ta."

She puts the necklace over his head and pours more from the bottle. She always insisted he drink from a glass. Ridiculous really- just more dishes to wash. It was part of the gulf between them- his middle class background and her upper class. He concentrates on ending this dream, jumping up and down, screaming, anything to get out before the next words. "This necklace was my grandmother's, full blooded Romany. Poor woman. It's a sort of promise to each other and it's supposed to keep the wearer safe. Wear it and know I love you no matter what." Fucking lie. 'No matter what,' that mad bitch, a reassurance nothing he could possibly do would put her off him. Yeah, she fucking deserved better than a young Henry Mallet who wanted to squeeze every drop of juice from whatever life had to offer.

He pleads with his younger self, "Fuckwit, tell her you love her at least."

He feels a reassuring hand on his shoulder and turns to see Suz there. "I wanted to see when Charlotte gave you the necklace." At least she doesn't know about the groupie the day before. He doesn't want Suz to see how carelessly he treated Charlotte next, there on her sofa. He isn't that Henry Mallet anymore anyhow.

"Morbid curiosity satisfied? Let's get the hell out of here." They walk back into the shadows, into the darkness hand in hand like two children.

She asks, "Why did you give it to me when I was a kid?"

Because I fucked up and I knew it. Because you made me laugh and I hadn't laughed since I found Billy with Charlotte. You reminded me we're all human. Because I wanted to kill myself. "Why did you take it?"

"I don't really remember. I was just a kid. It's a key though, and I want to understand it. What's Romany anyhow? Romanian?"

"Gypsy, Suz. I guess the memories I had thought were fading are still there, etched in rock."

Suz puts one arm around his waist and tells him, "I think you're better looking now then you were then. You weren't really cut out to be a blond."

He laughs. "Laundry soap, luv. My hair fell out in clumps for awhile. It buggered the shower drain. Hang on, maybe my memories are working for the good." He runs hand in hand with her toward a red door. They enter and they're back in his old flat. If anything, it's worse than it was before, even more clutter because he'd had some money and there was more shit all over. Suz just starts stripping, grinning at him. He threads his way through the mountains of crap to sweep the bed clear of papers and clothes. Thank God for these dreams or there'd be nothing between them but yearning. While he takes off his own clothes as quick as he can, she approaches with that heart breaking smile. So many layers of clothes, appropriate for London, never really worked in Australia's heat and especially not in dreams.


	19. The Apprentice (John Martyn)

Cally does not like this sort of set up at all, loaning a dead man a live body just to preserve some music. Nick's apartment is mostly bare as simplicity is his particular mantra; Nick himself can be a bit simple. With crazy Takeo, simple Nick, that odd dentist, and the destructiveness of Mallet's spirit, everything seems risky. He already scarred her head, who knows what he's capable of with a lesser psychic. What she had picked up from Mallet speaking through her was frightening. He'd somehow managed some sort of brief physical relationship with the dentist, scary enough. Even worse, there was evidence of tampering with time. They could unwittingly rip the very fabric of time and reality if they weren't careful, and neither Mallet or the odd dentist struck her as careful.

When Nick answers the door to Suzy, Cally can sense Mallet has accompanied her. It's the goose bumps that erupt, the dissonance in the air, the sense that things are off kilter. Cally has never found language able to catch the nuances of what she senses. She watches Suzy meet Takeo with interest, as Takeo usually elicits a strong response. Half his head is shaved and tattooed and the other side sports a curtain of river-like long black hair that covers half his face. Suzy is clearly a pragmatist who shows only a flick of surprise then pretends not to notice. She simply asks, "How do we go about this?" Cally admits to herself that the dentist is a cool customer.

"Perhaps Takeo and Nick could just play music while Mallet attempts to guide their efforts."

Nick complains, "No possession? I thought that's what all this was about!"

He's so young, so simple. Cally sighs. "If you must, invite his spirit inside you, but I wouldn't. He's malevolent. Look what he did to me." She sees the dentist grin and knows Mallet's spirit communicated something nasty about her. So be it. "Also get him to agree there'll be no drugs, alcohol, or cigarettes while he's in someone else's body. The spirit, like the man, has no self control. Does he agree or not, Suzy?"

The dentist smiles that sappy smile again and says, "He wants to know Nick's rules as it's Nick's body."

Nick blushes and answers rather than saving himself the embarrassment. "I'm an alcoholic, so no drink or drugs. I wouldn't mind a few cigarettes, though." He begins inviting Mallet's spirit into his body. The lights flicker and a wind begins to blow inside the apartment. Suzy grins again and Cally struggles against her personal loathing of Mallet as she knows he once again said something inappropriate or nasty. He never even remembered her from his life! The lights go off; blackness takes them all even as the wind howls. Cally can hear the roaring inside her head. She realizes she can't hear Nick anymore. The wind dies as suddenly as it sprang up and there's a moment of deafening quiet before the lights begin to shine steadily again as if nothing had happened. Nick is stretched out on the floor, blood trickling from his nose. Cally is terrified that maybe Mallet took Nick's spirit to the other side, leaving only his shell. Nick twitches then sits up much to her relief. He says, "Gravity still sucks. I'll need a fag and a cup of tea."

Cally feels disgust at his glibness, dead then in a body again and he's thinking only of creature comforts. "That's Mallet alright, the self absorbed prick."

The dentist objects, "I hardly think that's fair!"

Nick/ Mallet actually snakes out his hand and takes the dentist's hand in his own and squeezes it. The two simply won't accept reality as it should be. Somethings are simply not meant to be. Cally demands, "No romance in his body either!"

Nick/ Mallet grins evilly at her and says, "Right, Captain Control," the bastard. She knows what he thinks of her.

Takeo is chattering away, sometimes falling into Japanese, and brings Nick/Mallet a pen, an album cover to sign, and a cigarette. Cally watches Nick/Mallet smugly sign and light the cigarette, inhaling deeply. She hisses, "Get him Nick's guitar so we can record and then transcribe and get him the hell out of Nick's body, no nonsense or wasting time!" The longer a formly disembodied spirit stays in a body, the more damaging it is to the living.


	20. Birdland (Patti Smith)

Suzy watches Henry in Nick's body wildly playing the guitar now; it's almost howling. She had practically melted when he sang "Suzy" except Nick's less than wonderful voice intruded on her pleasure. If only Cally would have loaned her body and offered control, she could have heard Henry's actual voice rather than Nick's. Cally sits quietly across the room while Takeo drums and sweats and swings his half a head of hair around like a banner. Henry in Nick's body has played about 10 songs now, "Diamonds of Blood," "Dreamtime," "Eat Cake," many more for she can't recall titles. Now he's playing "The Dead," and the guitar seems to switch between moaning sadly to screaming in rage and even Nick's voice and the lyrics weave between haunting sadness and utter fury. Takeo drums so swiftly his hands and hair are a blur. The lights flicker and Cally jumps up, knocking over her cup of green tea, and cries, "Stop!" He doesn't stop though, playing on as if driven. Cally stalks over and yanks the plug out of the outlet so the guitar is no longer amplified. She kicks over one of Takeo's drums, her face so contorted it scares Suzy a little. She screams, "Get out of him, Mallet! Get out!"

Henry in Nick's body plays a last chord that fades and stops, looking at Cally, confused. "What?"

Cally stoops so she's face to face with him. "You're calling others like yourself and endangering Nick! You need to go back to your existence as a spirit!"

Suzy burns with anger over Cally's overly dramatic interference. "It's a masterpiece and you're stopping him?"

Henry in Nick's body wistfully puts the guitar down and smiles. "The control freak is right, Suz. It is a masterpiece, but I started to spin like- you know. I'm not sure what would have happened next."

Takeo throws his drumsticks across the room. "Baka! I saw my grandmother before Hiroshima! You want to take that away from me?"

Cally informs them, "Music is powerful, sometimes too powerful. Mallet, you need to leave Nick's body now!"

Suzy objects, "He's not finished! He has more songs."

Henry merely asks, "How?"

"It shouldn't be that difficult. Just leave."

"You want me to knock Nick unconscious by hitting his head against a wall? That's the only fucking way I know of aside from staying here until I'm exhausted and fall asleep."

Suzy says, "There's always nitrous oxide."

Cally glares at her. "No drugs! Maybe you should swim until you're exhausted. We're near the beach."

"Jesus, but you're a mad woman! I fucking drowned!"

Takeo, who Suzy had forgotten about, swings a Buddha statue against the back of his head. Nick falls unconscious while Suzy cries, "Are you crazy?"

Henry is there beside her again, thank goodness. "Fuck me but Takeo gets the job done. A Buddha statue, that's rich."

Cally is crying as she bends down to examine Nick's scalp. She parts his tangled hair, looking for the point of impact.

Takeo stands there smiling, hefting the Buddha up and down like a weight. He tells Suzy, "Tell Henry thank you! That was amazing! He can borrow my body anytime he wants and I don't care what he wishes to imbibe!"

As Suzy starts to dial the ambulance, she watches Cally tearfully berate Takeo as Nick sits up, blinking. "What happened? It didn't work?"


	21. Bang a Gong (TRex)

After leaving Nick's, Suz stopped at the beach and they're walking along the water line, sun beating down on them. She left her high heels in the car and sometimes steps into the water just to kick up a spray, laughing. She scoops up water and tries to splash him which he can't even fucking feel, but he laughs anyhow. It's good to see her play. Luckily he doesn't get hot or cold or he'd be burning up in his wool jacket. Right, fucking lucky to be dead. He hesitates then says, "Suz, I think we should take Takeo up on his offer. We could actually eat dinner together, go listen to some live music and dance, eh, go home to bed and not worry about waking."

Suz gets serious then. She picks up a shell, studies it, and throws it back into the surf. She doesn't say yay or nay for a moment, just stares into the waves. "Much as I want to say yes, I don't think we ought to use him like that. Maybe me living with Aaron for awhile was some sort of atonement for having tried to use his body."

"There's a difference, luv. Takeo fucking offered."

"You heard Cally: he's crazy! Who would offer something like that? Just wreck my body with drugs and sleep with who you want! It's insane and it's wrong!"

He doesn't point out Takeo never gave permission for sex. He sighs, watching a seagull. In the old days he would've tried to charm her into it, but in the old days he never thought about the future. He's here for the long haul, for her life, however long, and please let it be long even if things would be easier if it weren't. There's the kids to consider. Verity knows him now. This role model shit has indeed bitten him in the ass. 'Don't mind me, dear, I've merely shanghaied this bloke's body to have a go at your mum.' Of course Verity won't be home until tomorrow, so maybe he should try. "We go to a restaurant, a little locally owned one, walk in hand and hand. You're dressed to kill, gorgeous as usual but more so, but for a change I can lean over and actually kiss you. We talk and laugh just like we always do but if you reach out, your hand doesn't sweep through me as if I weren't there. We can dance in public and knock the eyes loose of those who see us with the way our bodies mesh. Then we go home and can take all the time we want without that hurry-up-before-this-ends sense of doom that hovers over our bed."

Suz's lip trembles. Oh fuck, please don't cry. He doesn't think he can handle tears right now, too deep in the picture he painted. "I don't have his number and I don't know where he lives."

"Call Cally or Nick!"

"Henry, they both heard his offer. I don't think they'd tell us."

"Just try!" Yeah, he's wildly impatient for the chance to be in a body again. It isn't just for his benefit alone, though. They go back to the car for Suz's phone but she proves correct in her assessment of the bleeders. They'd no more give out Takeo's information than the fucking queen would have actually parachuted into the Olympics stadium. "Shit. I'd been rather keen on a night out with you, luv. Maybe tonight in dreams we could come back to this beach with some music, a bottle, and blanket."

"I don't want to make love on the beach, Henry! Sand gets everywhere and it's so gritty."

He tries hard not to laugh while meeting her eye. She's so fucking practical. He chokes back a chuckle and adds, "Imagine a door to our bedroom then." It's only after he says it that he realizes one of them may wake up before they even get to the bedroom.

"If you were alive would you ask me to marry you?"

What the fuck? Jesus, she must be deeper in fairy tales than he had realized. Even Charlotte had never said something so inane, never confused love with marriage. That wanker Steve should have cured her of that shit. Probably all the recent weddings had addled her brain, Jennifer and Steve, Jonquil and Zach. Ah, the perfect answer directly from fairy tales: "Sure luv, right after your kiss brings me back to life I'll marry you."


	22. Rebel, Rebel (Bowie)

Suzy knew she'd had too much to drink before she fell asleep with Henry. They'd been chatting, him telling her funny stories from his life and then that she was fucking gorgeous again. It's so hard to use restraint when the love of her life is in bed next to her and she can't even touch him. This dream, however, is over the top, clearly a product of the whiskey he'd talked her in to buying. She's wearing a scratchy lace blouse under a boxy shapeless pink wool suit that makes her even itchier, tights, and horrible loafers. She'd never dress like this, never had. Her hair is pulled back into a bun so tight it tugs her scalp like an unintentional facelift. She's sitting on a cream coloured sofa splotched with giant pink roses, in a room with clashing pink rosebud wallpaper, Henry's mum pouring her a cup of tea. "I'm so glad Henry found you, dear."

Suzy tries hard not to scratch. "I thought you were dead?"

"Sugar or milk? I am dead. I just wanted to tell you Henry's a good boy, really, just a bit off is all. You're quite good for him; you've already changed him for the better." Suzy finds all the pink roses make the room smaller somehow, claustrophobic almost. There's even framed pictures of horrible pink roses on the wall. It's cloying. Henry's mother is wearing a heavy pink dress, her hair in a stiff bouffant. There's no air at all circulating in this room. She has a terrible urge to dribble tea across the sofa, across the delicate tones of pink and cream and spring green.

"Is this a room from the house Henry grew up in?" The tea cup in her hand is paper thin with yet another pink rose on it.

Mrs. McKenzie laughs. "I never had such a beautiful room when I was alive. It's like being in a garden without the bother of weather or insects. I certainly had nothing even close to this when Henry lived at home; you know how boys are, bringing sick animals home, tracking in dirt and grass, always noisy, and later reeking of smoke."

Suzy sips her tea, unsure what to say. Two years ago his mom seemed so normal on the phone, but this room feels tight. Find common ground, she tells herself. "I have a boy myself."

Henry's mom laughs. "A girl too, I know. Don't you prefer the girl? Boys are such trouble, always messing things up, aren't they?"

Suzy feels a little ill. Does Henry's mum think children and homes should be laminated in plastic? Poor Henry! "No more than my daughter. Children do make messes; it's to be expected." One scratch at the waistband of this hideous suit would make this so much easier. Why isn't she wearing some of her own stylish and comfortable clothes anyhow?

Henry's mom smiles and Suzy notes the dental work she needed when she died. "I do love him. I see the judgment in your eyes. I just wanted one spotless pink rose room, a retreat, no dirt, no destruction."

Suzy nods. This she can understand if she considers it in the context of Steve. After so many years with him, moving out provided many rooms without the taint of some other woman's sexuality. "I love him too, Mrs. McKenzie."

"Call me mother, dear. You should change him. You can; you know. Crush the destruction, the mess."

Suzy stands, upsetting the tea service which crashes and splashes on to the needlepoint pink rosebud rug. "Mrs. McKenzie, any changes he's responsible for, not me. I love him for who he is, and I don't care if he's destructive or not. Maybe some things need to be destroyed."

The room's walls waver as though underwater and change to a basic cream paint with stains. The sofa becomes dingy and worn, the pink rosebuds sad looking. Henry's mum's eyes water. She swallows and says, "This is where he grew up- I do love him. He was just such a whirlwind in the quiet I longed for and deserved. You have my blessing. I'll do what I can despite your utter lack of taste." Suzy realizes she's no longer in the pink suit, but her own clothes: a red silk halter, beige leather skirt, and high heels. She grabs Henry's mom's hand, realizing this strange woman did love Henry despite never comprehending how she sparked his urge to destroy. Feeling guilty, Suzy asks, "Are you alright?"

"No one ever gave me a pink rose, but I'll be surrounded by them again very soon. Someday Henry will bring me pink roses, and I'll smash some pink rose bone china for him. There was always love, even without understanding. Do you understand?" Suzy nods and moves to hug this woman but they both fade into blackness.

She jolts awake to see Henry's head on the pillow beside her own, his eyes closed. Her heart is pounding. "Are you asleep?"

"Yes."

"Yes?"

He blinks. "Now I'm not. Where were you? Have you ever noticed how food in dreams doesn't actually have much flavour or texture?"

"I dreamt I spoke to your mother. Do you think I was actually talking to her or was it merely a dream?"

He opens his eyes now and stares at her. "Why would she visit you rather than me?"

Suzy nervously chuckles. "You might have clashed with the pink rose décor."

He sighs. "Sounds right. What'd the ol' bag have to say?"

"She gave us her blessing and she loved you even if she never understood you." Henry just keeps looking at her. "Did you ever give her a pink rose?"

"I brought her wildflowers when I was a child but she didn't care much for them. No, I never brought her fucking pink roses. I hate the bloody things. Honestly, I don't think she'd like actual roses anyhow- thorns, petals falling, all that mess."

"I think I'll have some silk ones delivered to her grave, from us."

"Sounds right. She gave us her blessing? She knows I'm dead?"

"I didn't ask, but I think so. When she gets pink roses from you, she'll smash some china for you."

Henry bursts out laughing. "She was a great old lady, tried hard. Same planet, different worlds."


	23. Piece of My Heart (Erma Franklin)

Henry had asked Suz to drop him off at Nick's on her way to the surgery so he could check how they were doing with his music. She'd asked if she should call first but he said no, stupid really, because Nick and Cally are asleep in each others' arms, not what Henry expected. He doesn't want to watch them sleep. Suz asleep is different. He watches her expressions to guard against nightmares, listens to her breathing, her slow, steady heartbeat. When he was alive, he never watched anyone sleep. If he were alive, he might begin touching Suz to arouse her in her sleep, but it's pointless to think of all the things he'd do with her if he were alive.

He wanders down to the local café and breathes in the bitter brews while reading over people's shoulders. The woman in glasses is either a speed reader or not interested in international news because she turns the page before he finishes reading about Syria. A bloke stars at the horoscopes for eternity, giving Henry a chance to read predictions for everyone. At least Elvis will have a wonderful day according to this shit.

After a bit, he wanders back to Nick's apartment to find the two discussing a child ghost, unseen and unheard, who is afraid to leave his mother. Shit. If they'd just say where the lad lived, he'd visit, talk to the kid, maybe give him a reassuring hug. A ghost child is a horrible thought. Cally suddenly stops talking mid-sentence and announces, "Mallet is here."

"Should I let him take over my body again?"

"No, he's just seeking attention, feeding his enormous ego. Why don't you clear out so I can have a private discussion with him?" Nick leaves, looking unhappy. Henry sits on the sofa across from Cally, wondering what this bitch has to say to him.

"Paris. Ring a bell?"

"I did a few concerts there once, but I don't remember the details except the Louvre and acid is an amazing mix."

Cally speaks over him, not hearing him. "I was a model, my first trip to France."

"Jesus, you haven't aged well."

"I was choking at one of the best restaurants there and you performed the Heimlich maneuver on me and saved my life." Henry stares at her, trying hard to remember her. Wouldn't he remember if he saved someone's life? "You were a sexy beast back then, and as a reward I invited you to my hotel room that night, after your concert. Despite bruised ribs, I was looking forward to an evening of glorious sex." He banged a model in France? There were groupies everywhere, and he even remembers an older blues singer from a little club who wore him out one night, but a model in France? Cally yells, "You bastard! You never showed up, and I waited and waited!"

He can't help but laugh. "I saved your life and that's not enough? A simple thank you would have sufficed. Is this why you're such a bitch to me?"

She rants, "Now you're with a plain Jane dentist, a weird lady who hardly interacts! What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Don't say shit about Suz! Yeah, she's weird, but there are some kinds of beauty with which you're clearly not acquainted."

"If I'd had the headlines, my career might have lasted longer and I never would have turned to the drugs! I figure you being a ghost is payback- the universe is showing what it thinks of you!"

This is like a soap opera. The bride of Frankenstein clearly needs to grow the fuck up and stop blaming others. She reminds him a bit of Apollo- the pain is real, but it's self induced. Jesus. She rants on until Nick returns with sandwiches from a fast food place. Is this the way psychics eat? Cally tells Nick to invite Henry inside his body so she can hear his answer to what she had to say. What can Henry tell her? He doesn't even remember a supposedly beautiful model whose life he saved? A blues singer in her fifties distracted him? He begins the long walk home. If only he knew where the dental surgery was, he could drop by and regale Suz with this twisted tale. Suz would love a story in which he didn't go off with some woman.


	24. Hounds of Love (Kate Bush)

At the new Dentique, Suzy revels in all the upgrades. Certainly the shell of herself while she spirited was no slouch in dentistry. The new suite is in another historic building, but this one has four patient rooms, all color coded: coral, yellow, blue, and green. Color coding just seems so organized. Aside from Linda, there's another dentist (Dr. Marks), his assistant, and a receptionist for both of them. The business is in her name. They see many more patients a day; the money must be rolling in! She still is backtracking the finances each lunch hour to figure the whole thing. This Monday though, Linda keeps chortling and eyeing her oddly. God only knows what her psychic friends have told her. Suzy simply ignores it, easy to do in a larger office.

When she goes to pick up Elvis, he isn't waiting for her. He acts quite disgruntled when she calls him on her cell, telling her he's practicing his leading role in the school play. He reminds her he'll eat dinner with the cast and will be home around nine or ten. On a school night? She lets the matter drop. He hadn't mentioned any of this before, or perhaps he had while she was spiriting. There are all sorts of fragments of her life she's still trying to piece back together.

Picking up Verity seems normal enough up until she nearly causes a car crash because Henry is jauntily walking down the middle of a lane, vehicles whooshing right through him. She pulls over, shaking, as her own daughter chides her: "Mom, he's dead! It's not like a car could kill him!"

Henry happily jogs over and gets in the back seat, laughing. She can't help it; she yells, "What is wrong with you? You know I drive this street! Are you trying to give me a heart attack?"

It doesn't help that Verity is laughing. Henry tells her, "Sorry, luv. Didn't mean to scare you, just having a bit of fun." Verity babbles on to him about her new friends and he jokes with her about them. While it's wonderful he takes such an interest, exactly as she wanted him to, she can't help but notice he seems to know more about Verity's new friends than her own mother. She realizes she's still upset about Elvis; probably nothing would seem right to her at the moment. She hears Henry telling Verity, "Three friends dressing alike seems a bit dodgy to me. Besides, if you two wear skirts, what the hell is poor Dylan supposed to do?"

When they get home, Henry explains to her how he didn't have it off with Cally sometime during his life, and that, he informs her, is why Cally hates him so. Curious despite herself, she asks, "Why didn't you? You slept with so many women during your life, why not her too?"

He laughs which annoys her a bit. It's not funny. He tells her about some blues singer that had distracted him. Just once she'd like him to say he simply didn't fancy someone. She wishes she hadn't asked because he says something about this old singer being sophisticated and glamorous, two things Suzy knows she never is except in dreams. Don't ask about these things, she reminds herself. It's ridiculous to feel jealous of a woman from his life, even if she did make him forget about a model, a model in France, in Paris. The woman is probably dead anyhow and hopefully not lingering anywhere Henry might run into her. She enters the kitchen to prepare dinner and he follows her. "Would you chop an onion for me?" She realizes a second after she asked it what a stupid question it was. He can't and she never should have asked.

He doesn't sigh, look wistful, or get angry though. He just says, "Sure, right after you kiss me."

"Sorry, I forgot for a second. You seem so real, or so alive, even though I just saw the cars passing through you."

He sits down at the kitchen table, watching her. "You must've had a long day. If I were alive, Suz, I'd have gone back to England and grown old, and fuck knows where I'd be now."

She wishes she could put a hand on a shoulder. Yes, she admits to herself, sometimes she gets annoyed at him just because he is a ghost, nothing he can control. "Henry, I wish we could spirit without losing time in reality."

"You and me both. It's so wonderful just to be able to feel you. We have dreams though, and that's better than nothing." His smile grows broader. "Sometimes the dreams are amazing, like at my old flat."

Suzy nods, smiling back. Then she remembers another more recent time when the dreams didn't work and says, "I just hate when I dream of you but it isn't actually you, just my own imagination."

"I never had that happen to me. It would be terrifying though, all my worst imaginings seeming to be true."

"You just walk away from me, never even see me, which probably is my worst nightmare."

"Suz, it won't happen. I even managed to follow you here and escape the fucking Elysian just to be with you."

"I want to break all the limits with you, Henry my love."

He walks over to cup her face in his hand, but of course he can't. Still, she feels a slight tickle, not the sense of a warm palm on her cheek but something akin to a breeze. The phone shatters the moment, the quiet between them. She sighs and answers. "Suzy, this is Nick. Takeo and I were wondering if we could drop by with some of the music." Suzy asks Henry and he nods yes.

When she hangs up, he blurts, "Shit! I should've written a song for Verity, Wait a minute . . . Takeo here. I can chop the fucking onion for you!"

'Sometimes I still feel guilty about that one night when I see Zach. I know it was you, not him, but still it was his hands and his lips on me."

"He never knew, so no harm done."

"If a female ghost took over my body for romantic purposes with a living man, would it bother you?"

"Only if I knew. That's the beauty of it."


	25. Love Is Like a Rock (Donnie Iris)

The five of them- Suzy, Henry, Verity, Nick, and Takeo- sit in the living room listening to the recording of Henry/ Nick's music. Takeo is the only one of them who listens with any pleasure. Suz and Nick look disappointed, Verity bored, and Henry is realizing a copy of Nick's singing is even worse than the original. Potter the cat wanders in, dramatically moans, coughs up an enormous hair ball, then runs out, the little fucker. Suzy jumps up to clean it; even she is so unentranced by his music that she can't leave a hairball for later. Jesus, even the cat is a critic. The music he makes is meant to be sung by someone with a decent voice, not that it really matters anymore he supposes.

While Suz is out of the room on hairball duty, Henry tells Verity, "Get Takeo's number for me. Tell him it's for me." Of course she does. Feeling a shadow of guilt, he thinks he should have asked her to get the phone number rather than told her so she could have said no. Verity bops back over to him and lays the scrap of paper with Takeo's number on the end table so he can read it. He memorizes it. Takeo is grinning wildly in his general direction so he must know Henry plans to take him up on the offer of his body.

Suz deftly sprays some sort of carpet cleaner on the rug as Verity pipes up, "So these guys can know about Henry but Elvis can't?"

Suzy looks up, big eyed, a deer in the headlights. Henry can deal with this for her. "They're psychics, love, which means they know about ghosts in general so they know about me."

Takeo blurts, "Elvis! Is he here too?"

Verity and Henry enjoy a good laugh while Suz explains, "Not that Elvis- my son," adding "and he'll be back soon so you'll have to leave." Henry enjoys her Suzyesque dismissal of them.

After he sings Ver to sleep and he and Suz are getting ready for bed, or rather she gets ready because all he really does is lie on his side of the bed, Suz says, "Maybe you should possess me. I can sing."

Henry remembers her enthusiastic rendition of some hokey school song in front of a crowd of his fans. It was woeful, although it might have been more the choice of material instead of a lack of ability. He doesn't, however, like the thought of possessing her. He winks at her. "Sorry Suz, but if I'm going to be inside your body, for once I'd prefer a more tradition route."

She beams at him. Christ but that smile has become his drug of choice. She opens the closet door then, saying, "Maybe we DO need Cally, just for the music."

He shouts, "NO CALLY!"

She keeps her back to him and murmurs "Right," saying nothing else. Now she won't even look at him. Shit.

He softly says, "Suz?"

She doesn't answer. He casts about for a way to bridge over the fact he had just yelled at her. "Hey Suz, would you wear that red nightgown tonight?"

She looks at him angrily. "My pajamas aren't sexy enough for you?"

Oh crap. "You're too damned sexy in pajamas, especially the ones with yellow duckies. It makes me worry about my sanity." She's grinning full beautiful voltage at him now.


	26. What's Going On (4 Nonblondes)

She listens to the slow steady thump of his heart, her head resting on his chest. She knows it's only a dream; dead men don't have heart beats, but the sound is like the sweetest lullaby she could ever imagine.

The room around them fades into darkness, and then they're in another room, a blue room with toys on the floor, and she hears his heart speed up. She sits up, realizing they're in a single bed now. She hears footsteps approaching and Henry mutters, "Oh fuck."

"Henry?"

"Shhh. This is the house I grew up in."

She hears the footsteps stop right outside the door and then a woman's voice. "Henry, is there someone in there with you?"

Everything fades again and then she's standing alone, fully dressed now, watching a young boy standing in front of the door of a house. There are no walls, so she can see a woman angrily vacuuming inside, slamming the vacuum against what would be walls if it weren't nothingness. The boy takes a deep breath, opens the door, and dashes through the house into a space in back. He mimes closing a door, a look of relief on his face. The woman turns off the roaring vacuum and strides to the door and mimes opening it. She stands there, towering over the boy, her shadow casting darkness on him, just glaring at him. Suzy can feel her own heartbeat start to race- this woman- Henry's mother?- is so angry and the boy is so small. She says, "Henry, you're such a disappointment. I just don't know what do with you."

Suzy breathes a sigh of relief, it's just a tongue lashing. The boy looks up at the woman, stone faced. "What atrocity am I responsible for today?" The woman clenches her fists, clearly trying to hold in her anger.

Suzy realizes she needs to get him out of there before he says anything else to make the woman even angrier. She calls, "Henry, take control!"

Then they're back in their bed, naked again, her head on his chest hearing the rapid beat of his heart. He clutches her, cuddling her, and says, "Thanks."

"What happened there?"

"You have ears. My mum sometimes was disappointed in me."

"No, I mean why did we go to your house?"

"Darling, I have no fucking clue. It's the last place I want to visit."

She nuzzles his neck and presses her lips to his ear. "I much prefer you here with me."

There's steps outside then and a soft tap at the door. Henry hisses, "Ignore it!"

She strokes his face, whispering, "It's probably Verity. We should get dressed." She leans over the bed, retrieves his pants and undies, and tosses them to him. She calls, "Wait a minute" as she fishes out her red nightgown from the sheets. She shrugs it on and sees Henry's zipping up so she answers the door.

His mother smiles at her and walks unsteadily in to sit at the bench by the vanity. "I wanted to see you one last time, Henry, but you wouldn't come home as hard as I tried to invite you. You know I hate traveling."

Suzy asks, "Do you two need to talk by yourselves?"

Both chorus, "No!"

Suzy sits on the edge of the bed while Henry stands, hands in pockets, nodding. "Well good for you that you traveled all this way."

"Henry, I don't think I did wrong by you, but this business of drunkenly drowning eats away at me. You can swim!"

He answers with a sliver of anger in his voice. "You're asking if it was suicide? I wasn't just drunk; I was ossified, barely able to walk, let alone swim. Anyhow, my death was my own, you had nothing to do with it."

Suzy feels relief to hear it wasn't suicide- she always thought it was somewhere in the back of her mind. Of course, he probably wouldn't tell his mother if it really was suicide.

His mother smiles at him. "Ta for the silk roses. It meant a lot to me."

"Suz's idea."

"I know, but you could've just said 'You're welcome.' I've come to tell you I want to do something for you."

Henry grins then. "Don't break any china for me."

Mrs. McKenzie tells him, "No, no china. You'll know. It won't last long but it was the best I could do. I'm reliving your teen years in exchange, a bit of hell."

Henry goes to her and puts his hand on her shoulder. "Teens are always shit-heads towards their parents. Sorry."

"I wasn't toward my parents. Anyhow, take care of him Suzy. He's utterly impossible but he's still my son." She walks out, leaving Henry looking after her, bemused.

Suzy puts her arm around him and leans her head on his shoulder. He says, "Sometimes she disappointed me, but she was alright really."


	27. Marlene on the Wall (Suzanne Vega)

Suzy tells Linda she's off for lunch. Linda looks rather stunned that she's actually going out for lunch rather than munching carrot sticks while pouring over papers, still catching up with the missing year. Actually, Linda frequently gives her odd looks. She hopes consulting Linda's friend Nick and his cohorts wasn't too foolish. It was supposed to be confidential. Great, another worry, and the music still didn't sound right, not like what she heard Henry sing in the dream.

Jonquil is already seated at the restaurant and waves Suzy over. Even as she sits at the table and squints at the chalkboard menu, Jonquil says, "Aaron called me to ask if you're seeing someone else; he's so certain you must be. I told him I think I'd know if she were. You do look much happier after that upset at the wedding, though. You're not . . . gay by any chance and hiding it?"

Suzy chews her lip. She imagines how nice it would be if she could simply blurt 'I'm having the affair of my life,' but instead says, "I think maybe I prefer going it alone. Who knows, maybe I'm asexual."

Jonquil nods sadly. "I always thought so. You never dated much and then you left Steve. I blame it on our upbringing."

She flags a waiter down as Suzy asks, "You always thought I was asexual?"

"Don't feel bad. No matter how messed up you are, I still love you, sis." They both order and as the waiter walks away, Jonquil says, "Whew, he has a nice tight butt!"

Suzy dryly says, "I wouldn't know, being asexual. Anyway, why are you looking? What about Zach?"

"I'm married, not dead. Since we've been trying for a baby, our love life is suffering. Zach thinks we should just let it happen naturally, but the clock is ticking."

"Auntie Suzy- I like the sound of that."

"Have you spoken to Steve since they got back from the honeymoon?"

"Only about the kids' schedules. Why?"

Jonquil darkly intones, "Leopards don't change their spots."

"Meaning?"

"Steve made a pass on me."

Suzy isn't sure she believes Jonquil. He had always acted like he merely tolerated her. "Poor Jen! What exactly did he do?"

"Steve always did carry quite a torch for me, forbidden fruit and all that. He's always given me the come hither look, but he was much more blatant this time. I'm thinking about writing Jennifer an anonymous letter."

"Tell me what happened!"

"It's not your worry anymore, not really. He told me he never forgot how sexy I was at the Elysian doomsday party. Funny thing, I hardly remember it. Anyhow, he said we should more of each other in private."

Suzy mulled it over- possibly Jonquil was deluding herself, but then again she had been possessed by Bonney at the party. Was it possible Steve was that big a knob head? "Don't write her. On some level, if he's serious, she'll know. I did when I was married to him."

"If Zach ever even attempts to cheat on me, I want to know!"

Suzy uncomfortably remembers the night Henry possessed Zach, and changes the subject.

When they finish lunch, they hug each other. Jonquil says, "It's funny, you preferring to be alone. I guess you take after Mum more than I do." Suzy just stares at Jonquil for a moment, then slowly smiles.


	28. I Will Wait (Mumford & Sons)

When Henry wakes, Suzy isn't even there. She must've left in a hurry, leaving him to sleep. Right, what would Henry have to wake for? He lies there, thinking about his Mum. She'd aged so much, even more so then in the documentary about him. He grins remembering how full off piss and vinegar she was when he was a child, always nagging and criticizing. He had baited her quite a bit; she was an easy target, so uptight and always working hard to be patient. Sometimes as a kid, he felt like shite after one of her sessions of telling him what a disappointment he was or how she didn't know what on earth a boy like him would grow up to be. Then she'd do something like spend hours building legos with him. She'd always be horrified when he destroyed whatever marvelous creation they'd built together. When he'd discovered music, she willingly plunked down money for whatever lessons he desired, proud of his ability, or possibly realizing that was the only route to ensuring he would do something useful when he matured.

She had practically become a recluse the last time he'd actually visited her. The old house had depressed him, and he offered to get a nicer one for her, but she wouldn't be pried of the old digs. He never had much luck with gifts for her. He yawns, stretches, and stands up.

He wanders out of the bedroom, and Princess Betty is making figure eights right where he is about to step, a new annoying behavior. All down the hall, he tries not to step on her, but by the time he reaches the living room he realizes he can fucking walk right through her with no harm done. He steps on her tail; she yowls and he, amazed, trying not to hurt her, falls and sprawls onto the rug, banging his arm on the end table. Christ, he hasn't physically hurt in forever. "Fuck me!"

Betty sits there, watching him, purring. He gingerly gets up, his arm aching. He tells her, "Thanks for the heads up, but you could've just pounced me." He wanders in the kitchen and eats some bread, then finds a bottle of wine. He drinks directly from the bottle, then wipes his mouth with his arm.

He calls for Potter, hoping he can explain what's going on- is he alive again or is this just some different form of existence? The fucking cat bastard is nowhere to be seen, and Princess just keeps grooming herself as he tries to talk to her. He reaches out and pets her, enjoying the feel of fluffy fur under his hand. She purrs then dashes off, important business no doubt.

He looks at the time- it's hours 'til Suz gets home. He'd call her if he knew her number. Maybe he could call the operator. The phone has buttons rather than a dial, and it's rapid in connecting. "Brave new world," he mutters. Suz is unlisted, and there is no Dentique, so she must have changed the name when she moved. Maybe she had gone back to her maiden name so it was Dr. Payne's House of Dental Horror. Fuck. He'd call a cab if he knew where the fucking office was.

He grabs the bottle of wine and decides to get Elvis' guitar. He'll record his new stuff so it doesn't include Nick's woeful voice. He grins as he imagines Suz's face when he can reach out and touch her outside of a dream, outside of spiriting.


	29. I Want to Hold your Hand (Beatles)

When Suzy walks into the underground car park, she sees a tall slender man with a ski mask pulled over his face smoking whilst lingering by her car. She turns around to go back to the office and find someone to escort her back to her car. She certainly isn't going to risk her health and security by approaching an obvious criminal. She hears, "Suz, hold up a second," and turns to see Henry, ski mask in hand and hair mashed flat against his head, striding towards her.

She laughs, calling "Henry, you scared me!"

He approaches, smiling broadly, and takes her hand, spinning her in a sort of dance twirl before pulling her into his arms and kissing her tenderly. She breaks the kiss, terrified, and asks, "Am I dead?"

He smiles wistfully and tells her, "Not exactly the reaction I expected. You're not dead, luv."

"So how can we touch in the here and now?"

"Dunno, more interested in the doing rather than the pondering why."

"How did you get here?"

He releases her hand. "Takeo gave me a lift."

"Takeo gave you a lift?"

Clearly irritated, he asks, "Is there an echo in here?"

Suzy is overwhelmed. She should be happy: a long held daydream has just come true but instead she's trying to figure out what it means, what needs to be done. She explains, "There's a lot we need to plan. If you're alive again, you'll need some sort of identity papers. We'll need to figure out how we explain you living with me, what we tell my family. We can't just spring Henry Mallet, back from the dead, on them."

Henry backs away from her. "Lazarus comes out of the cave and his woman says, 'Fuck me! What do we do now?' If you want me to go, I will."

She grabs his hand, and asks, "You mean die again?"

"Fuck no! Suz, I mean leave you alone so I won't fuck up your life any more than I already have."

Suzy snaps, "You could even think that's what I want? Mallet, I was away from my kids for a whole year just to be with you! I fucking love you!" She kisses him angrily, hungrily, deeply, than releases him, eyes shining with unshed tears.

Henry laughs and tells her, "Good, because I would have hated to follow through with the altruism. You're especially gorgeous at the moment. Give me your keys."

She stamps her foot. "I will not! You're not driving my car! You don't have a license!"

"Right. Would you mind driving us home, Suz? Carefully, as you tend to get distracted. I'd like to eat dinner with you and Verity, take a long bath, preferably with you but alone would suffice, then go to bed, most certainly with you. I'd like to celebrate. Oh, and you've run out of wine."

Suzy's lips twitch, that's a bottle and a half she had at home this morning. She places the palm of her hand against his chest. "A heartbeat," She murmurs, looking up at him.

"A heartbeat and some fresh beautiful bruises from falling over the fucking cat."

She laughs. "Let's go home." They get in the car and she watches him put on his seatbelt approvingly. "It's good Elvis is working on that play. We need to pick up Verity. What ever you want for dinner, I'll make, or we could get Chinese food. Should we go clothes shopping? You can't wear the same thing all the time now."

Henry nods. "Ta, I don't fancy borrowing your clothes. Too fucking bright."


End file.
